November 11, 2020
This morning was a mix of play and work, cloudy faces and happy faces. In the middle of folding Sunday and Monday’s laundry with the little tots I wondered, ‘what did Eve struggle with as a Mom?’ The first mom ever. No other moms before her or around her to compare herself with. No endless approaches to sort through. No moms saying you ‘should’ this or that. She was the first. Was she a crunchy perfect organic mom? Or was she okay with peanut butter and jelly sandwich days for her boys? Did she struggle to respond instead of react? Did she get tired of telling her kids for the 99th time to ‘chew with your mouth closed’? Or did she just let that one slide? Did she struggle to make the choice to stay present some days? Did she ever snap and tell Adam, ‘I need a break?’ Maybe she didn’t struggle with all the comparison games, or the social media. Or all the other stuff in between. Who knows. Maybe her struggles looked different or just went by a different name than I give mine. Perhaps loneliness, and the constant ache and longing for garden life with unbroken connection and perfection like she first knew. Maybe it WAS hard to choose to stay present with her boys and Adam some days instead of living in regret and longing for what she once had, wishing to escape the condemnation of the choice that changed that.
I’m just wondering out loud… Because there are days when I really do struggle to stay present. There are days when the struggle to sort through the endless voices both past and current. There are hundreds of ‘weary mom’ moments where I am learning to force myself to respond instead of react. Moments where I mess up, need to take a deep breath and take back the controls and whisper to myself, ‘Forward girl. You got this.’
Because looking back won’t change a thing. It won’t change the helicopter mom habits I’m shoving out the door one choice at a time. Or the anxious performance-driven, ‘Am I doing this right? They looked at me weird’(😂🙈) thoughts that want to take the wheel. There’s only love—big love to live from. And this moment to live in. I won’t get it all right as a mom. I’m not always perfectly balanced. But if I can learn one choice at a time to say yes to dancing in rhythm with heaven’s love, I will be okay and so will the world around me that is mine to take care of. At the end of the day, that’s probably bottom line the most important thing for me to learn. I can mess up, and I do. That doesn’t change that platform of love. Looking back at the mistake I made when I reacted instead of responded won’t help. The only thing that will help is getting back into rhythm with heaven’s love song and finding my footing on the platform of love while facing forward and learning from the mistake. I can give my kiddos a PB&J sandwich today, fold the laundry that sat in the baskets for two days because life was happening, drink another cup of coffee and just do the next thing. It will all be okay if everything is done in an atmosphere of love created by my agreement with the One who made me.
Maybe Eve wasn’t that different from me as she raised her little warriors… Or Moses’ mom, Jochabed. Or Jesus’ mother, Mary. Maybe the bottom-line choice they had to make was the same as mine today and just looked different; the choice to stay in rhythm with love and heaven’s language.
Maybe Eve wasn’t that different from me as she raised her little warriors… Or Moses’ mom, Jochabed. Or Jesus’ mother, Mary. Maybe the bottom-line choice they had to make was the same as mine today and just looked different; the choice to stay in rhythm with love and heaven’s language. The choice to face forward and do the next thing in love whether feelings were present or not. I bet our struggles were more alike than we think—all of us aching and reaching for love and connection and letting go instead of making things happen when it looks different than we thought it would (AKA surrendered trust). I have a hunch…and someday I’m gonna ask the Bible moms what it was like. Until then, it’s forward! Keep rowing for shore one determined row of the oar after the next!
Each of our mom journeys are unique. Today it’s a choice. I can choose whether I let comparison, regret, or other voices rob me of the unique journey God has cut out for me and my little people. Or, I can keep choosing to embrace the uniqueness of the course for me and my brood and live from love. Tomorrow will be the same thing. I choose love… I choose life, uniqueness, authenticity, and courage. It’s a learning curve for me. Motherhood has been one sweet way for me to sweat my way to maturity!
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by Vera Smoker
Hi there! I am Vera, blessed wife of one and mom to three wonderful little people who make my world go round. I am an unashamed lover of Jesus, passionate about authentic relationships rooted within the identity that comes first from my relationship with Him. I’m a lover of good books, fat journals, sunsets and sunrises, long quiet country walks, and time with my family around campfires or on our front porch. Growth and mentorship are high on the list of values for me and I always thrill when I get to celebrate the wonderful journey of growth and discovery with others. The Hubs and I both love hosting so come relax with us sometime and we will chat the time away and connect over a good cup of coffee or chai!
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Hello Vera, I love your posts! I am an older mom now with grown children but no matter the age moms can always need encouragement. I like sharing your posts with the moms at my church. When my children were little and still sometimes I ask the question, “Am I doing the right thing”? ” Am I making wise decisions and giving good advice”? I like the litmus test of choosing to live from love.
Thanks Again and Keep Writing!