Have you tried every trick in the books upon books that are available to parents today? Have you exhausted all the advice of parental experts, well-meaning friends and relatives, and school staff? What am I talking about? BEHAVIOR. Whether it’s getting your child to sit still and listen, take turns, have good manners, show respect, listen the first time you speak, share their toys, show appreciation, help others, manage their emotions… Sometimes it feels like we as parents or oversight can run out of options, strategies, and effect.

We had come to such a place this past summer with our 6-year-old son, and I was determined to dedicate the entire summer to getting things back in order. Little did I know, my husband and I were going to get back in order as leaders in our home. One of the things we discovered on the journey was the importance of training and leading our son towards building character, not just good behavior. Prior to this discovery, when we as parents were behavior focused, whether from pressure from ourselves, family and friends, or even the school, we would pull methods out of our tool belts to attempt to quickly remedy behavior needs. After all, we had read enough books and received enough advice to have plenty of behavior curbing methods to choose from. The problem was, these were never lasting, and we always needed another or newer method. What we learned in the journey, was that it wasn’t so much about our methods, but our beliefs as parents and leaders, and how those beliefs influence how we lead our child. While determining the best age appropriate behavior from moment to moment put us on shaky ground in our hearts, being confident in the need for our child to develop character did not. Once we decided to lead our child based on developing character, the guilt over best parenting practices left, the exasperation over less desirable behavior that seemed impossible evaporated, and our joy as parents and leaders returned as each moment became a teachable one—with opportunity to grow in character, for all of us. It also helped our child to have practical understanding instead of a list of do’s and don’ts.

RESOURCES FOR BUILDING CHARACTER THAT BUILDS BEHAVIOR:

Check out this organization called, KIPP, employed by various public schools throughout the nation, that has found the benefits and the necessity of developing and encouraging character in their students alongside their academics, giving educationally underserved communities the empowerment to overcome and “achieve their dreams while making the world a better place”. They give ideas such as picture charts to identify and explain character traits and trackers to track the growth of each character trait.

Kingdom Character Flash Cards (find them here): This set of 10 flash cards speaks directly to a child’s character in Jesus as responsible, honorable, loyal, serving, and more. This is a simple starting point of speaking Kingdom principles directly into a child’s destiny. Children can repeat and memorize the statements that reassure them inside and out that they were created with the Godly goods to make them successful, character-driven individuals and difference makers at every stage of life.