My mind has been turning some niggling thinks over again and again as I sit and snuggle my tiny son, who will be all of 4 weeks old tomorrow. He’s such a tiny piece of heaven!! Such a gift wrapped up in cuteness, cuddles and baby cries. I can’t get over the wonder of him. He’s so tiny. So innocent. So perfect. I could, and I do, just sit and gaze at him for minutes on end snuggled in my arms. I’m overwhelmed with all those mommy feelings. I’m biased of course, but he’s just the absolute sweetest from his head to his toes! Even down to his little cry and all the countless tiny baby faces and moves he makes. I drink it all in. I don’t want to miss a thing about this tiny piece of love. This brand new perfectly knit together piece of us. Yes, it’s very clear that I’m completely smitten and unashamedly wrapped up in baby wonder over here!

But something deeper has been happening as I sit and hold my little love the last couple of weeks. Every time I look into his tiny face, feel his warm little baby breaths as he melts into me, and see those dark little eyes looking into mine, I see God—my Papa—looking back at me with every ounce of admiration, adoration, and affection I feel for my little son. It’s so intense sometimes that it brings tears to my eyes and takes my breath away. And I ask, ‘Is that true? How can You possibly be singing over me and delighting in me like that? God, for real?’ And He always answers back, ‘For real.’ Sometimes that’s all He says and we sit in silence wrapped in the wonder together. I realize I’m part of my Papa God in an entirely new way. It’s wild. The love He has for me—His kid—His knit together creation is entirely extravagantly out of this world. He’s ridiculously fond of me. Even when I’m needy—a poopy mess. Even then He comes. He sings. He rejoices over me. He quiets me with His love. Gah!!! If only I could live in this constant awareness. How much would change??!! My identity coming from the security of first knowing and allowing myself to be known and loved by my Papa God!

There’s always been something so scary to me about being intimately known by my Daddy God. Thinking of Him being ridiculously fond of me seems…bizarre. Why would He? But lately, one tiny step at a time, my tiny little son is opening my heart up to being okay with Papa God’s crazy love for me. His unexplainable wild delight in me, His girl, even with all my quirks and frights. His creation.

Then He gently corrects me and says ‘It’s not just your quirks that I love. I love all of you. The quirks, the perfect, and the beautiful’. I tend to major on my quirks. He majors on the unique perfection He created when He made me. He doesn’t see my jumping for nothing as a bother. He just comes and quietly takes my hands and comforts me, wrapping me in His love just like I do my tiny son. He is more okay than I am with the places in my life where I am still growing and becoming. It’s always been that way. I’m just starting to believe it more.

If I can first be daughter and receive His wild and crazy love and the ridiculous fondness He has for me and if I can receive His comfort without self-scolding and trying to first put myself back together and make myself beautiful, it will change the entire platform of my life. It will change my relationships. It will change my parenting.

My tiny little Sugar Dumpling is still snuggled in against me fast asleep. Every now and then he jumps…at nothing. But to him it’s real and I comfort him with just a pat and a reassuring, ‘It’s ok buddy. I’m here.’ He’s perfection. So am I. And so are you. Let yourself first be loved by your Creator, your Papa. Stand IN His love for you. Let it wash over you like a waterfall. Then from that place be love and be the change this world needs. His delight in us makes the good better and the hard doable. We were all made for love.